You know you are Gluten Free if...

… at Christmas, visions of bread sauce and stuffing dance in your head
… you've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac disease
… you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and sandwich shops
… you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner
… you've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement
… a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you, the salad and only without the dressing
… you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a gluten free dessert
… it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined
… you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter
… you've ever deliberately rammed your trolly into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage
… you've ever had to take out a loan to pay for the supermarket shopping
… you'd gladly pay any price for a biscuit that doesn't taste like sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe
… the centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine with memorial candles
… your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh
… your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh
… one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Digestive Biscuits"
… you've disinherited loved ones for leaving toast crumbs in the butter
… you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise
… you nearly cry when people make you list the things you can't eat, then ask if you can eat bread sticks
… you pace and circle the supermarket three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother
… your family thinks you're crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn't hurt right?
… you have shares in two major toilet paper companies
… you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis
… you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips
… pancake day is banned in your house
… you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
… you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" ... without your face twitching
… you know all about xanthan gum and its uses
… you have ever dreamt about sun-blessed plastic bread
… you have tried making bread free sandwiches by filling two slices of ham with pickle
… you hide the gluten-free biscuits when guests come over, so they don't eat them
… you read the ingredient label on green tea - plain green tea
… you pay willingly exorbitant rates for gluten free beer
… you are now a cider expert, talking about them like fine wines
… you hear of a new health food store opening in a city close by and get ridiculously excited only to drive there, spend 2 hours walking around the place, reading labels, only to leave empty handed
… you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby
… when you are out for the evening your husband eats as much pizza and garlic bread he can get his hands on
… you see someone buying rice flour in the supermarket and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!
… it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins
… it drives you more crazy when people spread rumours you are anorexic because you spend so long in the loo after a contaminated meal
… people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert
… you've refused things as "simple" as gum or sweeties because you don't know if they're safe
… your friend invites you over for your birthday and want to make you a gluten free birthday cake but you plead with them not to, because although you're trying to seem like you don't want to put them through the hassle, you're secretly terrified there will be cross contamination.
… your 'favorites' sites are mostly celiac sites
… you hugged a restaurant chef for making you special meals every time you walk in
… you've mastered the art of lying when other people ask you if you're hungry
… your wedding cake was gluten free, as was the wedding breakfast
… your bread bin has rusted shut
… you long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and cupboards just to see what normal people eat
… you spend all morning on celiac.com forums
… you cant believe how much bread you used to eat